


this could be something.

by sharpgun



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band), No.MERCY (TV)
Genre: College AU, M/M, Think of any Drake song and it will probably apply, Welcome to the Angst Dome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:32:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7927915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharpgun/pseuds/sharpgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>college isn't as fun as asher roth made it out to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this could be something.

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to kate who supported this au for over a year.

 

**FRESHMAN YEAR / END OF FIRST SEMESTER / NOV. 2011**

  
gunhee doesn't understand party culture.  
  
yeah sure, he's read it about in books before, like the physical effects in regards to over stimulating yourself and the negative consequences, but that's what happens when your head is in a book versus noticing what's around you. you can lose sight of things, but right now, gunhee was noticing his surroundings for the first time in days. he sees the faded expressions of his so called peers, drowning whatever woes and sorrows they have in the red solo cups they're holding on for dear life. he sees the typical one on one failing conversations between two strangers that will probably end up with the two seeing each other with their pants around their ankles and then in class next semester. it's like a bad movie you can't escape from, no matter how many times you try to stop watching something keeps you from pressing pause, it's just continuously dragging out with themes and lines that you've seen so many times before: a parody of itself. he's just a part of the lame convoluted story where he'll have a small supporting role or even less, as an extra.  
  
he exhales heavily, as if he held onto that breath for eighty years, his shoulders buckling forward when the air escapes his lungs, letting his body completely depend on the poster covered wall behind him. he could recite at least a hundred places he would rather be right now, ten other things he would rather be drinking than the off brand cola in his cup with the slightest hint of rum, and probably three other people he'd rather be with than standing in the darkness by himself. gunhee bites onto the rim of the now empty cup in his possession, holding the flimsy container in his mouth, as he pulls out his cell phone.  
  
the low lit room causes him to squint for a second as he tries to focus on his illuminated phone screen, sloppily brushing his fingers against the screen, quickly pulling up one of the few text message conversations in his phone.

 

 

   
as his finger hovers over the send button, " c'moonnnnn! " a loud whiney coo rumbles his ear drums, causing gunhee to react defensively, jumping slightly in place and almost losing the cup between his teeth.  
  
it takes him a second to regain some sort of composure, but that's knocked down by the arm of lee minhyuk draping around his neck, the other male pulling gunhee close and leaning his head against his shoulder.  
  
he starts again with the same whiney tone, " gunheeee!! we just got here!! " his voice squirming down every single inch of gunhee's body. you would think he would get use to it hearing that same nasally sound whenever minhyuk wanted his way for the past who knows how long they've been friends for, but he still can't shrug it off.  
  
gunhee grabs the cup from his teeth, allowing himself to speak, " no it's been like, " he looks down at the screen of his phone, "twenty seven minutes, i think that qualifies as enough time to consider this rager as a defining college moment."  
  
" no! no! no! "  
  
he tries groaning but nothing comes out as his body sinks down into minhyuk's arm around him.  
  
it's always been like this, lee minhyuk, the main character material, that would always outshine him even on the cloudiest of days. he's always there even when gunhee doesn't want him to be, and it would get annoying if he hadn’t already endured over fifteen years of this same push and pull. don’t take it the wrong way though, as much as gunhee could compare minhyuk to a leech draining off all his energy and good qualities, it’s far from the fact and he’d be the first to tell you that, but probably not right now.  
  
" gunhee, just relax okay? take a deeeep breath..." his hands motion up as he inhales and they drop down, as the air releases from his body, closing his eyes while taking this ‘zen moment’, completely unaware of the judgmental frown on gunhee's face.  
  
" i'm not going to-"  
  
" oh! look he’s coming over! "  
  
this could be considered a defining college moment, if he ever thinks about it in twenty years and jots it down in that memoir of his youth he’s been planning to write ever since he emotionally came to terms that his childhood had ended. he’d over exaggerate it, the whole scene, maybe there would be doves, he could be shirtless, and the crowd could be part like he was moses crossing the red sea. he’d write that there was orchestral music playing, and that he came down on one knee, proposing they would be in love for the rest of their lives right at the start.  
  
in reality, gunhee can barely tell who minhyuk is talking about, he’s watching his friend wave the hand that was holding them close together beckoning some stranger to stand with them. he sees no one coming, he doesn’t see the crowd around them split, or doves, or hears anything other than some bad remix of an ariana grande song. but honestly, it’s too dark and muggy for him to see anything except for maybe five inches around and the shit eating grin on minhyuk’s face.  
  
“ hey!! we’re over here!! “ he calls.  
  
gunhee turns his head trying to shoot minhyuk a dirty look but his efforts are fruitless, as he feels a shadow eclipsing his own. from the side of his eye, he sees him, with that same shit eating grin he’s seen on way too many people before.  
  
_great, another one._  
  
minhyuk almost shoves gunhee into the wall supporting them, but uses that momentum to grab gunhee’s arm pulling him up to stand straight in front of the male opposing them. what the fuck are you doing?? gunhee almost mumbles, instead looking down at the empty solo cup in his hand, trying to act as if he didn’t know what’s actually occurring and that maybe he didn’t care about meeting anyone, ever again.

“ jooheon-ssi, this is gunhee. gunhee-ssi, this is jooheon! ”  
  
gunhee still doesn’t look up, but his arm is tugged by his angry mother figure of the night, causing his brows to further form a frown that’s probably going to leave wrinkles.  
  
“ nice to meet you, “ the boy now formerly known as jooheon’s voice is low, and slow, as if each of his words had to walk through mud before they could leave his lips. they feel dirty resonating in gunhee’s head, he’d literally shake it off if it didn’t make him seem like a complete oddball, like every other thing he had ever done has.  
  
he sees jooheon attempting to hold his hand out in the proper ‘hello it is actually nice to meet you’ fashion, but gunhee pulls back, shoving the empty cup to his own lips, pretending to take a drink. he nods in acknowledgement of jooheon’s existence, but his eyes quickly try to focus on something else.  
  
it doesn’t last long though once minhyuk elbows him in the stomach. gunhee groans, and he hears jooheon laughing under his breath.  
  
“ he said!!!! it’s nice to meet you, don’t you have something to say? “  
  
“ no, i don’t.”  
  
again, jooheon laughs.  
  
minhyuk lets out an exasperated sigh, and turns his head to face the less aggravated member of their newly formed trio, “ i’m so sorry he’s normally not like this, he’s just being shy. “  
  
“ am not. “  
  
“ it’s cool, “ jooheon reassures with a smile, lifting his chin upwards ever so slightly, looking right at the still frowning song gunhee, who couldn’t even look back at jooheon in the eye for a single second.  
  
_it’s cool._

  
what kind of answer is that? again, gunhee takes another drink from his empty cup, allowing the buzz of the room and the small talk between minhyuk and jooheon to drown out his own existence. or at least he’s hoping it does, taking that place again, against the wall.  
  
it’s cool. how could a slang word and a contraction rest so uneasily on his mind? maybe because it shouldn’t be cool, gunhee knew he was being rude, but this guy, he doesn’t respond to it. he keeps smiling, he keeps laughing. he’s main character material, someone that despite all the struggles could carry on through some unknowing turmoil in the future and end up on top. gunhee could tell. he’s like minhyuk, no wonder they were friends, and no wonder it felt so easy to fall back to his isolated thoughts. it’s not like he was trying to engage with them anyway, he could be studying right now, instead of pretending to feel like his priorities rested at the bottom of his solo cup.  
  
_it’s cool._  
  
“gunhee!”  
  
guess it’s not that easy.  
  
“huh?” he looks back at again, an upset minhyuk, not that upset, but he could tell that him spacing out and avoiding conversation wasn’t the reason his friend brought him to this party in the first place.  
  
“he asked you a question.” minhyuk reaches for his shoulder, attempting to pull him out of those wallflower ways he’s grown so use to, but more physically than gunhee hoped for.  
  
“oh,” gunhee rolls his shoulder out of his friend’s grasp, standing up straight, looking back at jooheon, “sorry.”  
  
“he wants to know what your major is.”  
  
why don’t you just tell him.  
  
“uh, pre-med.” he mumbles, “i’m trying to be a pediatrician... or something.”  
  
he watches jooheon’s brows raise, which causes gunhee’s lips to curl slightly, and his face to finally soften from the frown that’s been paste on his face for the past ten minutes. he could be impressive if he wanted to be, or at least shine underneath his own personal spotlight instead of hiding in the shadows.  
  
“that’s cool,”  
  
cool.  
  
why did he think he’d even get an answer with actual substance from this guy.  
  
“yeah.. so...” gunhee expects his own eyes are rolling out of his head right now, they’re on the floor, possibly heading out the door. where he would rather be honestly. “..and how about you? your major i mean...”  
  
“philosophy.” he gives gunhee a smile, “it would have been music if the program was better here, but what can you do, right?”  
  
he could feel all the color in face disappearing, he knows he’s giving off that unpleasantly shocked look any sensical person would give when receiving bad news, or seeing something disgusting and dead on the side of the road. also known as the complete inappropriate response to some stranger telling you their life plan, and the dead give away you’re judging them with every single bone in your body.  
  
his eyes dart back and forth between jooheon and minhyuk, leaving that awkward lingering pause. his friend, staring at him with the worst ‘just what do you think you’re doing, mister?’ face that any mom would give their impolite child, while doofus over there continued to smile as if he has a reason to be proud for pissing away his education with something as stupid as philosophy.  
  
“..that’s.....cool..?” he breaks the silence that seemed to last for twenty years, let alone in reality only being five seconds.  
jooheon laughs again,  
and he feels minhyuk jabbing him in the side with his elbow.  
  
smooth, gunhee.  
  
real smooth.

 

 

 

 **FRESHMAN YEAR / BEG. OF SECOND SEMESTER / JAN. 2012** **  
  
**

  
_roses are red,  
violets are blue,  
how many times are you going to write this trivial shit that means nothing to no one. _  
  
his pen rips through his failed piece of creative expression, quickly crossing out every character he's drawn and almost tearing the page of his notebook. gunhee doesn't mean to seem this aggressive, or bring the attention on the those around him on this small emotional outburst he's having on his own personal property. then again, he should of thought of not having a fit in the crowded lecture hall in the first place. his eyes dart around to the people who have already gone back to their own conversations and shuffling papers. he lets out a sigh, sinking into his chair, tapping his pen to an unidentifiable beat in his head, watching the other students slowly flood into the room.  
  
it wasn't that hard before you know? writing. he could pull out at least thirty thrashed journals from under his bed at his mom's house, covered in dark emotional turmoil that had 'promise', according to his high school writing teacher. but in this day in age who are you when you're a poet? a bum on the side of the street who couldn't even get a sandwich for a couple of rhyming words. this was a direct quote from his grandmother, and honesty he couldn't find a hole in that logic. it's not like he couldn't find that angry boy inside of him anymore or any piece of creative inspiration that could amount to something worth sharing, so what was he missing now? he was shooting blanks in the dark at a target that was just a figment of his imagination, and it would just be better if he just gave up.  
  
easier said than done though.  
  
he shuffles his body to an up write position, turning to the right of him to rummage in his back pack. minhyuk told him to save a seat next to him since this class always seemed to fill up fast and minhyuk never knew why. it was psych 101 of course it would fill up fast, but gunhee wouldn't start a battle over that when deciding on what they were going to eat for dinner was the bigger concern for him last night. he finally pulls out a small black book covered in black and white stickers for various western artists and anime characters. he flips through the pages of his past teenaged angst, why was he so angry, he wonders, leaning his face against the palm of his hand, another page passing by, words like trust, father, death, flashing back at him.  
  
god, how can i be so fucking moody.  
  
" hey! you write songs? "  
  
his voice is too familiar, rustling back and forth in gunhee's head. they barely know each other, but he could still feel it, the way his words drag out, and that hint of a smile that seemed to nuzzle between each syllable. gunhee doesn't bother to look up, he tries to shut the cover of the notebook that has seen better days, but his grip on the book isn't tight enough and the boy who should be a stranger to him takes possession of it.  
  
" hey! that's per--"  
  
" these are really good, dude! " jooheon interrupts him, flipping through the pages full of teenage angst that gunhee was sure not proud of. " have you ever recorded any of these? "  
  
gunhee lifts his gaze finally, looking over to the male who's almost laying on top of the lecture hall desk, the crater in his face catching the light and gunhee's eyes once again. he frowns, like he always did these days, reaching for his personal item like a baby wanting a bottle. " no! give it back! " his voice becoming more aggressive and louder.  
  
" that's a real shame! like you could be the next drake with these. " jooheon pauses, his eyes looking straight down at gunhee, the smile on his face disappearing. the only serious expression he had ever seen on the almost stranger. " you know who drake is right? "  
  
" of course i do!!! " gunhee snaps.  
  
" ah! " again the crater forming in jooheon's face, " that's good i was afraid we couldn't be friends for like a second. "  
  
" you were really going to let something as trivial as not liking drake - " he pauses, looking at jooheon straight in the face. " oh nooo i totally don't know who drake is. is he an american baseball player? "  
  
jooheon laughs, holding gunhee's notebook close to his chest and taking the seat that he had been saving for minhyuk, pushing gunhee's backpack onto the ground. " you know something? " he leans forward onto the desk, placing his cheek in his hand, comfortably resting against it, looking at gun, " you're a real funny guy. "  
  
" oh geez what a thoughtful observation. " gunhee rolls his eyes, " you're going to do really well in this class with that level of psychological know how. "  
  
" ouch. "  
  
gunhee catches him smiling again, and he tries not to let out a disgusted groan. he again tries to reach for the notebook in jooheon's grasp but the uproar of the lecture hall begins to calm down, and the professor is approaching the podium at the front of the room. he retreats back to his seat, glancing at jooheon who's shutting gunhee's journal close however not making any effort to give it back.  
  
this is just great.  
  
the professor clears her throat, and the hall falls to a silent muffle of papers being shuffled, laptops being opened and pens being dragged against table tops.  
  
gunhee spots minhyuk rushing into the front row after the professor turns her back, but he's unable to make eye contact with him, and show the disgusted look on his face.  
  
he knows he's being childish, but he just wanted his journal back.  
  
he keeps glancing at jooheon during the lecture, who's still holding on it for dear life, but when their eyes meet, when the professor is speaking about basic physiological theories, jooheon smiles and gunhee's eyes just widen and he feels his face warm up.  
  
what the fuck, gun.  
  
jooheon slid the book to gunhee after class, with his phone number written in the margin of the first page.

 

 

 

 

 

  
**FRESHMAN YEAR / MIDTERM OF SECOND SEMESTER / FEB. 2012**

 

 

  
" why did you bring me here?? "  
  
" because jooheon-ssi wants to see you! he was upset cause you never called him!"  
  
"did he ever think there was a reason i didn't call him?"  
  
minhyuk's lip is in the biggest pout gunhee has ever seen, and he knows if he continues to argue it's going to be like pulling teeth, and he had already lost enough teeth to this friend.  
  
it's still cold out, and the sun set hours ago. minhyuk promised him ramen after they finished their janitorial shift at the college, and to let him see the old neon genesis manga he bought on ebay last week. instead, his heels are being dragged in the payment, as he's pulled by his third mother to a part of the city he's never spent more than ten minutes in. his eyes are heavy, and to be honest, he just wanted to go to bed and maybe forget about school. but he still had to study for his midterms and make breakfast for the next morning since it was his turn. instead of doing anything remotely productive however, they're glaring at one another on a dimly lit street.  
  
"you need to stop being so mean! no wonder i'm your only friend!" minhyuk's eyes roll, as he pulls on gunhee's hand, leading him up the narrow door way. it smells like urine, and the walls are covered in graffiti from years before. gunhee's shoulders buckle slightly forward, preparing himself for an attack, whether it be from who's ever on the other side of the door, or minhyuk with his claws in an attempt to keep him from fleeing.    
  
he watches minhyuk press a combination of buttons on a worn security pad, and he hears the worn door click, and his friend letting themselves in.  
  
"you been here before?"  
  
he sees minhyuk's face turn red for a brief second, but it disappears as he brushes his hand through his blonde hair nonchalantly. "oh you know, just a couple times.."  
  
gunhee's brow raises as he tries exchanging a skeptical look, but minhyuk turns on his heels progressing up the narrow staircase. gun's shoulders brush against the walls as he follows his friend, feeling the grooves of the paint against the synthetics of his jacket. they reach the top of the stairs eventually, his own breath becoming heavier, as he stands behind minhyuk who just lets himself into the room.  
  
initially, gunhee doesn't follow, he just peeks slightly through the now open door.  
  
"honey i'm home!" minhyuk chimes, kicking off his shoes, before proceeding through.  
  
gunhee sees a pile of at least twenty pairs of shoes in the small entryway to what seemed like a small apartment, about the size of the one he shared with his mom, grandma and sister. they're all different sizes, but the same type of basketball shoe he'd see in store front windows that he could definitely not afford on the salary of a pre-med student. slowly, he pulls off his own shoes, apprehensively taking more steps in the dark apartment.  
  
"gun-ah! what's taking you?"  
  
minhyuk's shrill voice ringing through his ears. his shoulders are still buckled forward, his brows showing how uncomfortable he felt, and to be honest the eyes of four people staring at him as he entered the main room made him feel worse.  
  
but he didn't have any time for self pity.  
  
he sees jooheon, minhyuk and two other older males sitting comfortably around a table, jooheon and the two unknown to him look like they were playing cards of some sort, in the company of a bowl of chips on the table top, and half empty cans of beer.  
  
"finally!!!" minhyuk pushing himself up from the table, scurrying over to gunhee's side, his hang grabbing onto gunhee's arm, like a mother introducing her son to her best of friends. "okay everyone! this is gunhee! we've been friends for almost forever, he's like my baby."  
  
gunhee tries to his mouth to say a snarky retort, but minhyuk continues, "this is kwangji-hyung!" he motions to his left. the older male is wearing glasses and a sweater-vest, not the typical type of rambunctious crowd he would expect jooheon with his "swag" persona. gunhee gives him a half smile, and an acknowledging nod of his head.  
  
his eyes dart to jooheon, who again, is just smiling up at him, gunhee could almost see him mouth a hi but he doesn't allow his eyes to linger, and neither does minhyuk as he tugs him in the direction of the other unidentified male at the table.  
  
"and this hoseok-hyung!" minhyuk's voice grows a little warmer as he says that, and the boy reaches his hand for gunhee's.  
  
"nice to meet ya, man." hoseok's grip is strong but doesn't linger long, leaning back in his chair but grabbing a handful of chips before doing so. "jooheonie and minhyuk have told us all about you!"  
  
"good things only of course," kwangji adds with a soft smile.  
  
gunhee just stares back at them wide eyed, his hands retreating to the comfort of his coat pockets, and he nods his head. "ah... right..."  
  
probably about how you whine all the time, and never called jooheon. great first impressions that you can never redo. awesome.  
  
naturally there would be an awkward pause between the four, but jooheon gestures to kwangji, "hyung, you still have that beat right?"  
  
the older male nods his head removing himself from the table, heading into another room. "yeah let me find my laptop!" he calls back.  
  
he watches minhyuk take kwnagji's chair at the table, lifting up the cards. "so what are we playing?"  
  
"go fish." hoseok responds, with a slight laugh. "we're too broke to gamble you know that."  
  
gunhee just stands there, looking around the apartment as hoseok and minhyuk's conversation just becomes background noise as they continue passing cards back and forth. he sees some laundry here and there, a couple of fast food containers, tons of books and cds, condom wrappers. he feels his face turn red for a second, but he clears his throat, glancing at jooheon.  
  
"so.. how did you do on that last test..?" gunhee mutters, an attempt to form a conversation with the only unoccupied attention in the room.  
  
"no how are you? or an excuse why you didn't call me at all?" jooheon responds in a serious tone, this had to be the first time he ever saw him with his features this standstill, and gunhee just stares blankly m back at him.  
  
"uh.. i mean.."  
  
"i'm just messing with you," again gunhee swears he cut himself on jooheon's smile, and he laughs, causing gunhee to feel his face turn red again. " i think i got a c maybe? hopefully? all that freudian bullshit seems like a lot of, well you know.. bullshit."  
  
"ha .. yeah that's.. for sure.." gunhee mumbles, pulling his hands out of his pockets just to tug the sleeves of his jacket, nervously.  
  
"you're really tense, you know that?"    
  
"he's always been like that around new people, jooheon-ssi!" minhyuk chimes, "go fish." he picks up another card from the deck on the table. "like i told you, he's shy. you have to be sweet to him."  
  
gunhee's brows furrow, as he moves closer to the table. "i'm not shy!" he snaps, standing behind minhyuk looking at his cards briefly, and then up at hoseok. "he lied to you, he has two threes."  
  
"hey!! no fair!! you're not playing!!" minhyuk whines, holding kwangji's cards to his chest.  
  
hoseok's eyes widen looking at his cards, and then back at minhyuk almost as if his heart was broke into a million pieces. "how could you? why would you lie?!"  
  
a pleased smirk rests on gunhee's face, crossing his arms proudly, while minhyuk attempts to comfort the other male for his act of betrayal.  
  
"i can be sweet." he hears jooheon mutter.  
  
"huh?" minhyuk responds, tilting his head slightly.  
  
gunhee acts like he didn't hear him, nor gives him any attention trying to peer over the table to see minhyuk's and hoseok's cards.  
  
"i can be sweet to gunhee if he wants me to be." jooheon looks towards him, with a smile.  
  
again with the fucking dimples.  
  
minhyuk and hoseok create a crowd level "oooooooooooooo"ing sound, placing the spot light on gunhee who was still trying to distract himself from this current situation. maybe trying to disappear into the wallpaper or something, anything to get rid of the smile he feels shining against his face.  
  
"looks like someone has a crush on, gun-ahhhhhh!" minhyuk coos, placing his cards close to his mouth, giggling exactly like this old lady gunhee's ridden the bus with when he was a child.  
  
"shut up!" gunhee whines, throwing his arms around minhyuk's neck, holding him in a tight headlock. he doesn't apply any extra pressure while he's holding onto him, because he knows pouting or hurting minhyuk wasn't going to make anything better.  
  
"oh hyung!" jooheon's voice lifts up the mood, his eyes filling up with anticipation. not like, gunhee was watching him or anything like that. jooheon gets up from his chair, letting kwangji take a place back at the table, instead leaning over the older male leaning against him and the chair, while gunhee release minhyuk from his not so killer death grip.  
  
"sorry it wasn't turning on and i was freaking out." kwangji apologized, opening his laptop on the table, the screen glowing against his face. "someone must have been looking at porn with it again." he looks over sternly at hoseok.  
  
the accused male looks between all the judging eyes, his guilt pasted all over his face, and then looking back down at his cards. "um..go fish."  
  
kwangji's eyes roll, as his fingers trace against the track pad. "anyways, i got the song right here."  
  
"awesome! gunhee," jooheon starts, motioning him to come crowd over laptop, and gunhee complies, leaving his best friend's side, again retreating his hands in his pockets and his shoulders buckling forward nervously. he looks back at jooheon as he beings speaking.  
  
"hyung here," his hands squeezing kwangji's shoulders playfully. "writes some really sick beats, and i wanted to show this one to you."  
  
gunhee doesn't say anything, glancing at the screen and then back at jooheon, but the boy doesn't wait for gunhee to respond, pressing the space bar of kwangji's computer almost instantaneously.  
  
it's slow, but the electronic keyboards pick up at the bridge with other pleasant overlays of a continuous drum track, and some weird other instruments gunhee couldn't identify. he closes his eyes as the bridge repeats again, moving into the chorus, his head bobbing to the up and downs of the rhythmic beat completely unaware that he's doing it. the song comes to a close, and his eyes shoot open when he feels a foreign touch against his shoulder.  
  
it's jooheon, of course, because of course, he was still in this twisted time warp and somehow he agreed to be here in this dank apartment with a room of almost strangers. but the other male doesn't see gunhee's apprehension, instead, he smiles, "so do you like it?"  
  
gunhee raises his brows, confused why his opinion mattered at all. but he could feel kwangji's eyes on him too, waiting for his response. "yeah? sure? .. uh it's cool."    
  
"i knew you would like it!" jooheon's almost sparkling with the excitement on his face. "it's for sure your style, especially with those broody lyrics you write."  
  
_wait what._  
  
jooheon grabs onto gunhee's wrist, tugging him from the faux dining area, gunhee's eyes glancing between the other parties who were completely ignoring the fact he might be getting kidnapped in this very instance. he doesn't say anything but still allows jooheon to guide him out of the apartment, and down the dark staircase. jooheon's shoulders brushing against the narrow walls a lot rougher than his own did. they stop at the bottom of the stairs but instead of leaving through the door like gunhee expected to happen, since fleeing from the scene of the crime was the only logical thing to do if jooheon was actually taking him away from his best friend, they turn to a door gunhee never spotted when they first entered the building.  
  
"kwangji-hyung comes with tons of great beats like that all the time, and sometimes they just don't fit my style or hoseok-hyung's and it's kind of waste." jooheon speaks, letting go of gunhee's wrist, trying to unlock the door and shoving his entire shoulder into getting the door to move out of his way. "so i asked minhyuk if you've ever sang or rapped or whatever, and he told me.."  
  
jooheon pauses, finally getting the door to release, turning on five light switches, but the room they were entering still seemed dark. gunhee is still silent, just watching the unraveling scene as if he's a third party not partaking in whatever type of felony they might be participating in. "i've never done anything like that." gunhee dismisses the conversation, he knew where this was going. he watches the low lighting brighten up slowly, walking into the room where jooheon already found himself comfortable rummaging his hands through drawers.  
  
there's a giant sound board, with a window parallel to it, showing another room with a dimly lit lonely microphone shining back at to him. he's only seen places like this in the movies or some dramas he's too proud to admit he's watched.  
  
it's a recording studio.  
  
"do you guys own this place or what?" gunhee asks, glancing around as he stood there awkwardly in the middle of  
the small room.  
  
"huh?" jooheon looks up to him tilting his head to the side, like a dog hearing a new sound for the first time. "oh you mean the studio?"  
  
gunhee's brows raise and he nods his head slowly. "no i meant the bathroom."  
  
he could hear jooheon chuckle slightly under his breath, "nah," the other says with the shrug of his shoulders, pulling out some cords, quickly walking across the room and into the sound booth, leaving the door open. "my mentor, i don't know if you know him, but he's known as madclown?" jooheon pauses again, gunhee leaning back slightly, looking over to the booth unaware of what the other male was doing in there.  
  
"he," jooheon grunts slightly, he hears the sound of what gunhee thinks is the ripping of duct tape, "his family owns the building and lets us rent it for cheap and use the studio whenever we want." he comes out the sound booth with a giant smile on his face once again, and gunhee can't help but want to roll his eyes out of his head.  
  
"what was i saying uh.." jooheon pauses, resting the back of his hands against his hips, as he looks down at the office style carpeting. "oh right minhyuk." he nods looking back up at gunhee. "he said that you did spoken word before in high school?"  
  
"yeah so?" again gunhee's wrist is taken control by jooheon's touch, being lead into the sound booth, but he lets go again once they enter the room. the walls are padded and dark, there's a stool right below the microphone that seemed to have words carved into the seat. gunhee motions towards it, his fingers brushing against the carvings, stupid thing like swear words, or "giriboy rules", whoever that is.  
  
he feels the tracings jooheon's name and then spots an arrow drawn in ballpoint pen with the extension, "sucks dick - siyungthug" and again with a comment written in sharpie, "really good - joohizzle" on the end.  
  
they're all so fucking stupid.  
  
"gun?"  
  
he snaps back to reality, pulling his hand away from the stool and holding it behind his back, as if he was a child being scolded.  
  
"yeah?" he responds, doe eyed.  
  
"you weren't listening were you?"  
  
"uh.. of course i was.... you were talking about uh..."  
  
jooheon smiles, "right, what was i thinking." he jokes, his hands pressing against gunhee's shoulders forcing him to sit down on the stool. "spoken word and poetry it's all just steps towards rapping, and i can definitely feel it.." he pauses releasing one of the hands on gunhee's shoulders and putting it on his own chest. "in here, that you have the potential to even amaze yourself." he's speaking calming, his eyes softening, again another moment of seriousness that gunhee would never imagine jooheon was capable of.  
  
but gunhee doesn't buy it.  
  
"you're full of shit." he responds flatly, rolling his other shoulder out of jooheon's grasp. but not pushing himself out of his seat, instead he gazes slightly up at the other male, with his now lower position. he watches as the contours of his face transform indentations in his cheeks, the light tracing up his jaw line delicately like a highlighter placed by an artist.  
  
"maybe just a little bit." jooheon responds, picking up the headphones hanging off the mic stand in front of them, completely throwing gunhee off guard by placing them on his ears. they snap slightly throwing him off balance, and he tries to say something but jooheon continues, "but i think you should try and if you don't like it we can forget this ever happened and..." he trails off, looking off into the corners of the small room lost in thought.  
  
gunhee places his hands on the headphones in an attempt to take them off, "listen jooheon you just got the wr-" he gets cut off, by jooheon's hands being placed on top of his, being slightly squeezed on the sides of his head. he feels his cheeks warm up and he tries to break their eye contact but jooheon grabs it again, like he always does.  
  
"trust me, gun. if you don't like it, i'll..." his face softens, his tongue brushing over his lips, looking almost disappointed, apparently a cloud was covering his sunny day personality and gunhee could see it hazy in his eyes. "i'll stop bothering you okay?"  
  
gunhee sighs, looking down at the gross carpet on the floor, and the stains around the stool. "jooheon...."  
  
"just trust me." he repeats again, brushing his thumbs on the top of gunhee's hands comforting him. "please."  
  
he was definitely going to kill minhyuk later.

 

**\--**

 

gunhee's words are sharp like daggers on the track, he thinks they're rough and sloppy chasing after the beat like a child left it behind. but they do it again, and again, his rhymes finally gain momentum and he feels the bass track moving with the beat of his heart. maybe it's some type of spiritual awakening, or maybe it's the buzz from the beers minhyuk has been feeding him in order to loosen the quote on quote stick up his ass.    
  
it feels good, everything about this just felt good.   
  
"let's do that last part one more time, yeah?"   
  
gunhee hears jooheon voice in the headphone, and he responds with a thumbs up. his other hand grabbing the third beer bottle on the dirt floor placing the glass against his lips.    
yeah, he could definitely get use to all of this. 

 

 

**FRESHMAN YEAR / END OF SECOND SEMESTER / MAR. 2012**

  
  
it's snowing again, which gunhee pointed out to his friends was a result of climate change and the excess pollution in the atmosphere. hoseok was amazed by this while minhyuk rolled his eyes and jooheon continued on about the new odd future album which was the previous topic before gunhee zoned out watching the snow starting to fall on the other side of the coffee shop window. they're studying, at least that was the plan before they decided to take a break and crowd around jooheon's phone to listen to this album he was raging about. it's always like this though, minhyuk suggested in a high pitched voice, why don't we study with jooheon and hoseok-hyung?? they have finals too! gunhee mouths those words as he turns his attention back to the study guide he'd put together weeks ago, running his fingers through the pages, knowledge that he's probably nailed into his brain at this point but he still felt like nothing was sticking.  
  
"i can't study anymore!!!" minhyuk whines loudly, shutting the book in front of him, allowing his body to rest on top of his arms and the book, resting his head looking up at hoseok sitting next to him at the table. "hoseok-hyung will you walk me home?" he bats his eyelashes, moving his arms from supporting his head to jab the other male.  
  
"huh?"  
  
gunhee's glance catches a confused look on hoseok's face as the older male exchanged confused glances with the blonde.  
  
"it's dark and snowing and i need someone to walk with me to the train station!" the brunette squirms in his seat, tugging on hoseok's arm.  
  
"you're completely capable of walking yourself home." gunhee answers for hoseok, his disapproving gaze shooting at minhyuk only to return back down at his chicken scratched pages.  
  
"seeeeee!!!! hyung, you have to take me, gunhee is so mean and i'm exhausted."  
  
here comes the pouty lip.  
  
gunhee hears the eldest sighs of defeat from across the table, and he just shakes his head in disapproval. "you just shot yourself in the foot." he mumbles, taking his pencil jotting a couple notes in his already crowded margins.  
  
"don't listen to him, honestly he's just upset that i won't walk him home." minhyuk presses his hand against hoseok's shoulder comfortingly. "c'mon lets go." there's almost an ounce of force in his voice, but hoseok complies with a nod of his head and simple smile completely unaware how he would slowly be wrapped around minhyuk's finger and be getting his dry cleaning next week.  
  
but of course, that wasn't any of gunhee's business, he wasn't going to be a victim of minhyuk's evil seemingly harmless schemes anymore.  
  
minhyuk swipes the mechanical pencil from gunhee's grasp place it into his one of his identical european leather bags, with a smirk on his face.  
  
"hey! i need that!"  
  
"too bad, maybe jooheon has a pencil you can borrow. i have to leave." gunhee watches minhyuk motion his head to the boy who was sending a farewell greeting to hoseok with some sort of bro handshake that gunhee never understood. who decided these things, did they see it in some foreign movie, or maybe they developed it when they were younger. gunhee doesn't respond to minhyuk, a frown forming on his face instead, reaching in front of jooheon, attempting to snatch a pencil with some cartoon characters dancing on the body of it that was left astray.  
  
jooheon however looks down to see him committing the crime. "can i help you?" he grins.  
  
but gunhee just freezes looking back at him for what seems like an eternity. "uh.. i mean you're not using it...?" he utters before he feels his face turning warmer than it should be on this snowy night.  
  
"you could have asked at least!" jooheon is almost whining, his face softening looking a bit hurt.  
  
"can i...?" he feels the onset cloud of guilt hovering over him, but before jooheon could give him the serious answer gunhee was looking for, he glances to minhyuk calling for his attention once again.  
  
gunhee swipes the pencil and turns his attention back to his notes.  
  
" make sure he gets home ok, jooheon!! " he hears the blonde shouting from the doorway of the cafe. his eyes once again rolling back into his head if they could roll that far.  
  
"i'll take good care of him, don't worry."  
  
gunhee tries to say something snarky in regards to that comment, but jooheon doesn't acknowledge him at all, instead he places his ear buds in and actually what looked like to him as an attempt at studying.  
  
he bites his tongue, physically his lip, and returns to his notes that he's read at least forty times over. but he can't focus, he hears the heavy electronic beats from jooheon's ear buds, he catches the conversation of a couple from the table next to them something about matching underwear, and there goes the rumble of the espresso machine drilling against his brain. his eyes try to follow the curvature of the words on his papers but nothing is being comprehended and his eyes feel like they're blurring.  
  
but he feels a slight nudge against his shoulder, bringing his eyes to close and focus on his surroundings once again. he sees jooheon's hand with an offer of kinship, his left ear bud.  
  
"it always helps me to study to drown out the everyday noises." jooheon explains the gesture, holding the ear bud closer gunhee.  
  
he hesitates for a second, but an exasperated sigh escapes his lips as if it was the biggest chore in the world to share the pair of headphones. gunhee turns his head away from jooheon, swallowing hard try to get rid of the nervous pressure in his throat.  
  
they don't speak again, until the music fades out and gunhee's attention becomes alert, raising his eyebrows looking at jooheon as if everything in the world just stopped.  
  
jooheon smiles, craters forming on his cheeks. "it's good right??"  
  
"play it again." gunhee orders, turning his head away back to the scribbled out papers in his grasp.  
  
he complies, and they fall silent again.

 

**\--**

  
  
at least three inches of snow are on the ground at this point, footprints of people crossing the sidewalks quickly filling up with newly birthed snowflakes. it's quiet, as it usually is at midnight around this area, they pass a few closed down shops, apartments with empty flower boxes now covered in snow, a man in a suit rushing to get home after a long day of work. gunhee prepared himself this morning before he left his mother's tucking an oversized scarf into his book bag that minhyuk bought him from france or whatever european country he visited last summer. he’s comfortable with the icy winds kissing his cheeks after wrapping his metaphorical security blanket around his neck, his ears covered up by the beanie now more securely on his head, but his eyes are still burning in disapproval. he watches jooheon pull on the worn adidas track jacket that he shouldn't be wearing until may, at the soonest, tighter around his torso but he could tell even in the dark that wouldn't help him fight the soft whisper of winter that they were fronting at the moment.  
  
"aren't you cold?" captain obvious coming to the recuse, gunhee stops, facing the shivering boy who was attempting to keep up with his fast pace but failing as he kept trying to adjust his jacket.  
  
jooheon just makes a face that any small child would in this situation, unhappy and puffy in the cheeks but gunhee for once didn't have anything to say. instead he takes action. of course that doesn't keep him from huffing and puffing as he adjusted the slack on his extra long scarf.  
  
"don't ever say i've done nothing for you." he mumbles softly, wrapping the longer side of his scarf around jooheon's neck, connecting them together slightly. he could see jooheon's breath for half a second and his reflection slightly in his dark eyes. he tosses the remaining slack over his shoulder turning away from jooheon. "better?"  
  
gunhee doesn't have to look at jooheon to see the smile on his face, he can tell in the "thank youuuuu." he chimes from behind him, the tug of the scarf loosening between them as jooheon catches up with gunhee's steady pace.  
  
"remind me again why you're coming with me in the first place?"  he tries to scoff, but his tone is losing its harshness after every time he's seen jooheon over these past few months.  
  
"minhyuk asked me, i always try to do what people ask me if it's reasonable you know?" he says this so matter of fact-ly even though gunhee knew this was just another burden he would be putting on the ones most close to him.  
  
gunhee almost opens his mouth again, but is caught by a trap.  
  
"and i missed you."  
  
they don't stop walking, and gunhee pulls forward slightly, as if he could just run away from the boy practically tethered to him. he feels his face getting warm over hallow words that his brain found necessary to build minuscule connections to moments that were probably nothing.  
  
"and.." jooheon trails off, his breathing becoming heavier as he's trying to keep up with the brisk walk gunhee initiated. "i wanted to ask you.." he inhales sharply, "if you.." exhales.  
  
gunhee feels the weight increasing on his neck and the pressure pulling him back. he stops, at much of his dismay and so does jooheon, catching his breath.  
  
it's silent except for jooheon's heavy breathing, and the sniffles he suffered from due to the quick changes in his body temperature.  
  
"i'm..." gunhee starts, pulling off the side of the scarf wrapped around his neck. he pauses looking down at the ground and then back up at the other male. "you're gonna catch a cold." he says softly, wrapping the entirety of the fabric around jooheon's neck, pulling the sides to cover his face slightly.  
  
"ah!" jooheon lets out a small chuckle, "you're always thinking of others before your self huh?"  
  
gunhee no longer hears the hoarseness in his breath, his own hand unknowingly grabbing jooheon's wrist to feel his pulse. these doctor in training actions that were becoming second nature, but the beats eventually calm down. the ones in his own chest however, still moving like a flock of humming birds.  
  
"do you want to record again after finals?"  
  
those weren't the words gunhee was afraid of.  
  
"it's been a while, and i really missed us hanging out all that time!" jooheon continues but gunhee doesn't look at him in the eye.  
  
"right, recording......" he utters, quickly releasing jooheon's wrist. "i.." he turns on his heels beginning to walk again, "....i haven't written anything in weeks."  
  
"we could try to write something together." jooheon offers, "i always write a lot better bouncing ideas off of people."  
  
"i...." gunhee censors himself again, walls continuing to build behind every step he took forward. his words falling out of his lips like vomit, "i'll think about it i don't think i'll have time this coming semester i'm just way too busy and i didn't even really like it the past couple times an-"  
  
his words get cut off once he feels the ice cold touch of jooheon's frozen finger tips on his wrist, the tug between their bodies bringing them to a stop.  
  
"please don't stop making music, gun."  
  
gunhee doesn't turn to face him.  
  
"i'm begging you."  
  
what is he running from? himself? a pipe dream, a twisted day time fantasy that would never come true. he made assumptions, he made decisions planned out in his head those steps he would take once jooheon said the right thing. but everything was breaking, nothing would work if this was all jooheon saw him as.  
  
"why does it matter to you anyway??" he snaps back at the plea of the well meaning boy.  
  
"are you mad at me or something?" gunhee could hear his hurt tone.  
  
"you're just wasting your time, jooheon."  he pushes him back with his words an attempt for an inch of space which would feel like a meter to jooheon if positioned the right way. again, he tries to protect himself from nothing other than his friend who only wanted the best from him.  
  
"are we even friends?? why are we keeping these friendly facades when you just-"  
  
gunhee's arm jerks causing his whole body to be pulled against jooheon's in a swift movement, his words being swallowed back into the darkest part of him. he can't escape it now, the furrow in his brows, a moment when gunhee couldn't even remember what jooheon's smile looked like. his cheeks still feel flushed, and every ounce of his body was telling him to look away but their gaze doesn't break.  
  
"what did i do, gun?"  
  
he's silent, but he wonders, if maybe his chest was beating loud enough jooheon would be able to hear it.  
  
"did i say something to make you mad? you can't just stop talking when i'm trying to confront you about this!"  
  
their faces almost touch, jooheon's warm breath dancing across his lips but gunhee says nothing, while the steam inside jooheon's body seems to just flood back into the atmosphere with a sigh.  
  
you broke him and now he's going to run.  
  
"you're really important to me you know that?" jooheon's grip around gunhee's wrist loosens, "you just get so weird sometimes and i have no idea what you're thinking."  
  
he wriggles his way out of jooheon's barely together grasp around him, pulling his arm close to his chest in defense.  
  
"you're one of the coolest people i've met in these past couple of months and i don't want to lose you. that's why-" he pauses, pulling off the scarf from around his neck, carelessly tossing it on the ground beside them. "i'm here. but if you don't want to be friends anymore, gun, i'll leave."  
  
the street falls silent again, and he still couldn't find his words tucked inside his own shell of self doubt. instead, his feet shuffle slowly to pick up the slightly damp scarf from the ground. "i don't.." he doesn't find the answers in the fabric, instead he rubs the snow and dirt onto his jeans, placing the dry sides of the scarf around jooheon's neck. ".. we need to get you home before you catch a cold."  
  
jooheon apparently didn't like that answer.  
  
it happens for only a second, he feels the warm pressure of jooheon's lips pressing against the snow covered hairs peeking out of his beanie, and the small area of skin vulnerable to the elements.  
  
he doesn't know why he didn't pull away, it felt like some cheesy romance drama he'd seen on tv with his grandmother. but it wasn't as glamorous as he thought it would. his socks are wet and he can't feel his toes, jooheon's breath smelt like coffee beans and he's still sniffling snot. but he doesn't look up at jooheon, while his lips continue down the side of gunhee's face, his own eyes begging to open, begging to see if this was really happening.  
  
instead he pictures the scene in his head, the camera panning out to watch the snow fall and everything would fade to black.  
  
he wouldn't have to say anything, and neither would jooheon.  
  
the credits would roll and season two would start in another year and he could put off his troubles until then.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hbd bitch ilu. i'll write more next year maybe. ♥


End file.
